“This currently isn’t me. This is what I really look like when I’m dieting.”
Believe it or not this is something you’ll hear a lot of people say in reference to themselves.
Often followed up by a photo from either a show they did or a photo shoot and at a point in their life where they felt ‘happy’ in themselves because of how they appeared physically.
In our modern world people get shamed for wanting such a thing.
To ‘look good’ I mean.
It’s not uncommon for peoples sense of self and confidence to be intrinsically linked with how they outwardly appear, despite what the modern narrative will try to have you believe.
When someone doesn’t feel they look their best it will being down their mood, increase their anxiety and generally have them wanting to avoid seeing anyone they know because of feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable when not on point.
This doesn’t just relate to physical appearance in regards to body composition.
Have you ever walked into a friend in the super market at say 7am because you thought you’d get a head start to the day to see that upon them realising they know you and you’re about to get an up close look at them without their makeup, hair done and stylish outfit they just above dive into the shelf display to avoid you.
You will find such things happen because of how they have internalised their external imagine.
Essentially they have in their own mind a version of themselves that is the ‘true’ version.
Which ironically can often be the one that has all the additional bells, whistles, accessories and external imagery being on point, You might say this is the version they’ve cerated because that’s the one they want people to see as them, as opposed to what they are without any of their creature comforts.
Given how much emphasis people put on not feeling the need to adhere to a specific standard of beauty or an image its amazing how many of them allude exactly that.
Being visual creatures by nature it’s worth understanding that there’s nothing wrong with having standards for yourself physically, that being said you must also accept you for you as well.
That’s what the message of ‘body positivity’ is meant to be.
Embrace what you are naturally without any artificial enhancement, yet also embrace those times where you’ll apply a few of those things to make yourself look and feel even better for a short time, just don’t become reliant on those for that feeling.
Ideally you want to have that feeling come from deep within and be a constant thing.
Sadly the very first line rears it’s head because people get treated differently when they appear a certain way.
Essentially we create our own mental chain and negative habit loops whereby achieving a specific feeling only seems possible when we meet specific conditions, as such it becomes very hard to separate from these crutches, especially when they have us feed good, important and valued.
True your real value isn’t based on your appearances, it’s your actions.
That lesson just takes a while for some people to learn.
So where do you go from here now that the above is out in the open?
First you’d do well to ask yourself why the approval of other people is so important to you, moreover which people is it specifically that you’re looking for validation from as that will really help you in understanding where these feelings are coming from.
Everyone without exception has people they want to impress for whatever reason.
Knowing why is the crucial element to it.
Of course there is a heavy influence from social media these days surrounding people being on point and seemingly perfect, however even in knowing it’s essentially 100% fake a lot still look at people in awe and something with envious eyes as well.
Did you see the unfiltered picture of one of the Kardashians recently?
Dear god the amount of effort they went to to get it removed and then after that to prove a point they were truly happy with their body in a video dancing around half dressed, it was actually quite sad.
To feel such a need to justify yourself to people you don’t even know all to keep up the false appearances you’ve created just sounds like hell on earth to me.
Mentally it must be crippling for people of that level of celebrity.
Simply because anyone that climbs that high will no doubt find endless people with their jealous claws out ready and waiting to tae them down and deliberately try to destroy their self-esteem so they feel as shit as the person throwing all the negativity does.
Then again if you’ve chosen to create a false image endlessly edited and airbrushed what do you expect?
All choices come with some form of consequence.
Regardless of how mentally tough we can become there will eventually be a limit and it’s at that point where people lose their shit with the world and explode in fait of rage.
It makes you wonder if it’s really worth all the effort of keeping up appearances for the sake of playing the game and pleasing other people when in the end you’ll finally understand it was rigged from the start and you were nothing more than a dancing monkey for the entertainment of others.
Once you shine fade you’re quickly forgotten and cast aside.
Alternatively there will be people that want to revel in your fall from grace and compere the husk of what you are now to what a sining beacon you once were because people like nothing more than to poke at the past as essentially say to you in as many ways as they can – “What happened?”.
Make no mistake it’s not for your benefit, they simply like to see your anguish of what’s now lost.
Trying to cultivate a healthy internal image of yourself is something that can take a lifetime to achieve, and it won’t be done purely from focusing on the external and the validation that comes from it because beauty fades, as they say.
You’ll find this is where having multiple goals throughout your life can be your salvation.
By all means have aesthetics and physically related ones, just be sure that they evolved and grow over times as you ought to as well because trying to set goals based on the past won’t produce the results you think.
If anything you’ll just make yourself deeply depressed because what worked then doesn’t work now and no matter how many times your tell yourself – “Just a little bit longer. Just a little more and I can get back to where I was.” – it just won’t happen because what’s gone is gone.
We don’t live our lives in reverse I’m afraid.
Basing your worth on what you were isn’t conducive for long term mental health & happiness.
Enjoy your glories while you’re living them and as their light begins to dim don’t try to pour more fuel on a weakening flame, instead use it to ignite another smaller one that you can nurture until it too becomes a glorious fire one day and repeat this process moving forwards.
Perhaps a good life rule for people is to never set the same goal twice.
Always aim to make it a little difference in some way.
You might find the theme is similar however the outcome may not be the same, nor will the process of achieving it because you’re not the same as you were before you achieved the previous goal, you’re different now.
Older, wiser and perhaps a little more savvy, or at least that’s the hope, right?
Use all of the above to add to your own perception of yourself as a whole and based on everything you do or have done, not just one element because while being hyper focused does have its uses in the short term eventually you’ll find it’s applicability running out.
It’s at this point it become painful to see.
Too many trying to hold on to something that has already slipped out of their grasp, they just don’t realise it and when they do they dig their heels in refusing to accept it, this causes a lot of mental strife.
In fact it’s worth speaking to close friends and people you deeply trust about such things.
Most of these people will have your bet interests at heart and can offer a perspective on life that you might not have been able to appreciate until now as they’ll all have stories of their own which will be worth your time.
A saying I’ve always liked is – “No story is not worth hearing.” Angeal Hewley.
Finally, enjoy what you have while you have it and be sure to give up your grasp on it when the time comes so that you can take hold of something new.
Enjoy,
Ross