7 Things I’ve learned as a PT/Coach that will help overcome almost any problem – Part 7

Today brings the last lesson for you fine folk that have taken the time to read these ramblings.

By now you’ve gathered each one has been about your perspective of the world you live in.

It’s all because of the fact that for the majority of us, we’re in control of all that we do.

While it is true that some people only have the option of a bad choice vs a worse choice, this isn’t the case for what I’d consider to be an average person living in a developed country.

Our issue is that we’ve become entitled and lazy for the most part.

And this brings me to my final thought.

The difference between want and need is intent.

A lot of people want what is easy, convenient, low in effort and high in perceived reward (even though that’s rarely the case).

When it comes to needs these are brought about by intent because they have to be addressed with some focus and can’t be half arsed otherwise things go sideways fast.

It’s the same with strength, that comes about from having the need for it not the want of it.

Accepting the above regarding intent will allow you to focus your energy into something that will be of great reward in the long run, and this is why many don’t actually go down this route – the pay off won’t happen until much later.

Even though you may get 5, 10 or perhaps 100x the return in the end, the long of how long it may take puts the majority of people off ever going down the road that will lead to true gold.

You don’t have to apply any of my lessons.

However I would urge you to consider it because in the end you’ll thank yourself for it.

Enjoy,
Ross

7 Things I’ve learned as a PT/Coach that will help overcome almost any problem – Part 6

Getting straight to the point with this one.

Most people start training because they feel shit about themselves.

Now there are exceptions, however the majority start their health & fitness journey fuelled by lower emotions stemming from shame.

Perhaps it was a photo that showed how much they’d let themselves go.
Someone maybe made a comment regarding the physical prowess they USED to have.
They may bump into someone of the past who used to be the ‘ugly duckling’ that now is not.

You’ll find plenty of elements that can cause people to have a moment of realisation.

It’s just common that these moments shower people in shame as they realise they’re real body isn’t quite what they’ve been seeing in their own mirror or highly edited photos.

No one likes feeling this way.

As a result they now have a NEED to change.

You see that’s the secret to lasting change, it comes from a need and not a want like many think.

I’d also like you to remember that it’s okay to feel this way because it helps you change.

Taking some time to write a diary that is honest and driven by your emotions in of the moment can be very helpful in you growing as a person.

Sadly this is a somewhat dying art which is a shame.

As you can gather I’ve been writing drivel for years, not only here but also on a blog that’s got endless content lost in the digital air. Plus there is a hand written one too, but that’s just for me.

I encourage you to start writing.

Embrace how you truly feel and use the emotions that cause this as fuel for transmutation.

It’ll be hard but I can promise you it’ll be worth it.

Enjoy,
Ross

7 Things I’ve learned as a PT/Coach that will help overcome almost any problem – Part 5

Chances are there’s been at least one time in your life you’ve experienced depression.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of because these days this is a common element of life.

In fact for someone to say they haven’t felt this way would be met with doubt, suspicion & scrutiny.

What was learned on this side of the screen over many years of listening to others share their stories and how they fought the monster to come out the other end in a better place, or ended up swallowed by it has been very interesting.

I can’t say that I know of myself experiencing what is legitimate depression.

Yea I had ups, downs and swirly days, plus a few where a long walk of a short plank was an alluring idea.

However upon reflecting on these times the lesson that was revealed was a simple one.

The times which seemed to feel far heavier with life than others were those that I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t, all for the sake of appeasing parents, partners or peers.

In attempting to become the living expectation of what I thought others wanted me to be.

(Sometimes at a guess based on their subtle comments, others because of their direct comments and a few times just out of my own need for love)

The result was a swift & unforgiving wave of disappointment.

This lead to emotions not being expressed as needed, for example – anger.

Many would say I’m an angry person, that I’d scream, shout and rage at things but this ind of comment really made my blood boil because it was an exaggeration.

Knowing myself I’d often sit and think – “You’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.”

If I was to genuinely get angry in the way they’d project and say I had I can say with full clarity they’d know the difference between a simple ‘For f**ks sake’ and me actually losing my temper.

Sadly this modern world isn’t well equipped to deal with genuine anger.

As such any time a person starts expression pent up emotional energy that needs to be expressed they’re shamed for it, told they’re out of control, too angry or something similar and this cause people to bury that and allow it to stockpile.

In the end it can lead to a person becoming very sick.

Expressing our emotions is an essential part of what allows us to function and stay healthy.

True enough certain expressions might be best kept to kicking the stuffing out of a punch bag instead of your sly, passive-aggressive low life of a coworker, however speaking your mind to them with stern words isn’t something to be afraid of.

It’ll let them know in no uncertain terms that if they continue to be a dick they’ll get a slap.

Even though compassion, forgiveness and understanding are a better way to be with most people.

Sometimes there’s those who won’t learn with the hammer of justice.

Keep the above in mind and perhaps start writing a diary to help you deal with stuck emotional energies.

I’d also suggest some kind of physical activity for helping release these too.

Perhaps something creative is up your ally, like painting etc. Activities that provide the catharsis don’t always need to be physical in a sense of lifting weights, boxing or similar. It can be anything you deem appropriate because so long as it provides what you need (and is safe), it’s all good.

Enjoy,
Ross

7 Things I’ve learned as a PT/Coach that will help overcome almost any problem – Part 4

Today’s share might result in some of you feeling personally attacked.

If it does this isn’t to be seen as something happening to you, but happening for you.

The reason being is that it’s not a personal attack and if you take it that way it means you can shine a light on something you need to address that will help you grow.

So here we go…

Don’t seek external validation as the marker that you’re doing well, are loved or worth something.

By this I simply mean that craving the constant praise etc from others isn’t a wise path to take.

Using the views of others in the world to fuel your own personal needs will only lead to a very dark place in the end because you’ll become overly reliant on external sources to keep you moving forward in life.

I’ve seen this happen to a lot of people, and it’s sad.

Personally I ended up walking this line or at variant of it at least.

For me it was the case that if I was better than others I’d finally be given the love, support, respect, praise and admiration I so desperately sought because it was missing in my youth.

You see I grew up with the constant message of – That’s not good enough. You can do better.

Not an uncommon expectation to have placed on you by those in your life that want the best for you.

It’s just the case they’re not too self aware and don’t really know that while their intentions are good, they pave the way to your own personal hell of crippling coping mechanisms (self criticism, perfectionism, etc).

This doesn’t mean we ‘blame’ our parents or peers of those times.

They didn’t know any better, they loved us, it was just the case it wasn’t shown in the way that was needed because they, like us and so many at various points in our experience of life lack the wisdom & perspective that comes with age.

As was written in the Once & Future King – “‘There is a thing called knowledge of the world, which people do not have until they are middle-aged. It is something which cannot be taught to younger people, because it is not logical and does not obey laws which are constant. It has no rules.”

We act based on what we know, and it might be sufficient, it might not and the only way we will find out is by reflecting.

It’s the catch 22, we don’t know what we don’t know.

This is why being mindful and taking action, or even none action is best done through your own will and choice consciously, that way it allows you to be responsible and grow from the experience.

As I said above, these things in life don’t happen to you, they happen for you.

So with the above lesson this is what I’ve some to know is the solution.

Seek nothing outside of yourself because you won’t find it.

Learn to be proud of yourself.
Learn to praise yourself.
Learn to accept the only opinion of you that really matters is your own.

No one will ever be able to give you something you can’t give yourself because even if they do praise you, there will be a part of you that feels conflicted about it.

It’s why a lot of people are suffering with poor mental health these days.

They are suffering the conflict created by the self and the other.

That’s a topic for another day though.

Enjoy,
Ross