7 Things I’ve learned as a PT/Coach that will help overcome almost any problem – Part 7

Today brings the last lesson for you fine folk that have taken the time to read these ramblings.

By now you’ve gathered each one has been about your perspective of the world you live in.

It’s all because of the fact that for the majority of us, we’re in control of all that we do.

While it is true that some people only have the option of a bad choice vs a worse choice, this isn’t the case for what I’d consider to be an average person living in a developed country.

Our issue is that we’ve become entitled and lazy for the most part.

And this brings me to my final thought.

The difference between want and need is intent.

A lot of people want what is easy, convenient, low in effort and high in perceived reward (even though that’s rarely the case).

When it comes to needs these are brought about by intent because they have to be addressed with some focus and can’t be half arsed otherwise things go sideways fast.

It’s the same with strength, that comes about from having the need for it not the want of it.

Accepting the above regarding intent will allow you to focus your energy into something that will be of great reward in the long run, and this is why many don’t actually go down this route – the pay off won’t happen until much later.

Even though you may get 5, 10 or perhaps 100x the return in the end, the long of how long it may take puts the majority of people off ever going down the road that will lead to true gold.

You don’t have to apply any of my lessons.

However I would urge you to consider it because in the end you’ll thank yourself for it.

Enjoy,
Ross

7 Things I’ve learned as a PT/Coach that will help overcome almost any problem – Part 3

You might not like this next lesson, so I won’t drag it out.

Stop complaining about everything.

Chances are you’ve been around someone that moans about even the smallest nuance.

Such an attitude is one where you’re steeped in the mentality of the victim, and while it may indeed be the case that a situation, circumstance or the actions of others aren’t your fault because you had no control over them it can very much be the case that creating a solution falls on to you.

Is it fair?

Nope, not even one bit. However life isn’t fair, it just is.

You might be tempted to resent a situation, person or inanimate object for your grievance.

Please understand resentment is never really justified, and trying to achieve that outcome just wastes your time, energy and life in a fruitless endeavour.

Instead of complaining, or trying to explain how/why/where it wasn’t your fault it’d be far wiser to simply take action over that which you are in full control of, how you respond & deal with things.

The next time you are about to complain just take a moment and ask why that’s your default.

Aim to understand the emotions, beliefs and biases behind it all.

Face them head on, then put them neatly in a box and burn it because you don’t need that nonsense in your life.

Trust me, if you stop complaining you’ll start to rewire how you think and that will change how you act which in turn leads to a more productive life willed with love, joy and positive thinking.

Enjoy,
Ross

7 Things I’ve learned as a PT/Coach that will help overcome almost any problem – Part 2

Now this little lesson might sting a bit, so you’ve been warned.

It’s not unfair to say that the only person who can really change our life is ourselves.

Yet in knowing this many choose ignorance, avoidance and will find any/all excuses not to do what needs to be done.

So my second lesson is a very short one and it in two parts.

The first:

Acknowledge YOU are the only one who can take the necessary actions to change your life.

The second:

Find out what actions you need to take to achieve the solution and go do them to the best of your ability.

It’s really that simple.

While it might not be easy it is the way you will move forwards in life, provided you want to.

Go think about it, seek your solution, the actions that accompany it and go apply yourself.

Enjoy,
Ross

7 Things I’ve learned as a PT/Coach that will help overcome almost any problem – Part 1

There’s a massive caveat here.

You’ve got to apply what I’m going to share.

Often people don’t actually seek solutions when they are asking questions or conversing with me.

What most want is sympathy or confirmation bias.

I get it you know.

We all want someone to agree with us, to share in our hardship and validate how we feel because it really has been a rough ride.

And while this gives us some momentary reprieve, it’s also a beautiful trap we can fall into repeatedly.

This leads to the first lesson I learned based on my own life/experience.

Stop seeking constant validation for how bad you feel as it only serves to keep you stuck.

Instead take a moment and write down the following:

• How you currently feel & why
• What has lead to this (the direct causes)
• The factors within this you can control and deal with
• Which feeling you wish to move towards

With this info you can create a plan that takes you forwards that is focused on finding solutions, not sympathy.

By all means allow yourself to feel shit, low or whatever it is you need to feel, just don’t seek people to validate it because as mentioned above that’s the beautiful trap that will keep you stuck in a vicious cycle of seeking out those that plays to your self created persona of ‘poor me’.

Aim to only seek out those who will offer solutions to your problem.

Keep the pity party to an invite of only one (yourself).

Feel free to reach out to me and I’ll help where I can, or point you in the direction of someone who can.

Enjoy,
Ross

Are you scared?

Fear is a primal emotion.

It’s built into our very being at the core.

Mother Nature in her infinite wisdom gave us this gift so that we would be able to keep ourselves safe and propagate the the species, while ideally having the odd moment of enlightenment before we pass on.

Unfortunately we act and base our choices, decisions and life largely based around avoiding shadows.

Uncovering what lurks under the bed is something we’d rather not risk.

Even though it will more than likely be nothing, it could be something and that’s enough to keep various beliefs alive that would be better off being laid to rest.

I’ve been reflecting on my own fears a lot of late.

This is the main one at the root of it all – getting in trouble.

Many times over the shit has landed firmly at my feet.

Sometimes deserved and always accepted because it was acknowledged as a legitimate fault on my end due to inexperience, ignorance, naivety and making a mistake which resulted in a lesson learned.

Often times though shit has been thrown my way just because it had to go somewhere.

Endless amount of hassle for no apparent reason.

Now while digging through the memories within deep states of meditation and rewatching each of these instances to really scrutinise my role I was able to find those that I could take on the chin as say – “Fair enough, I can take that because in the end it’s a good learning opportunity.”

And then there’s other times that still sit within the void as those that stung because of being a scapegoat or thrown to the wolves.

Obviously I survived, but it came at the cost of trust and overall faith in people.

Sadly many will turn on you for self preservation purposes, that’s nothing to lament though because it’s just their nature (as it is for most folk), so I can’t be angry or hold a grudge aligned with wrath however I do still feel a lot of disappointment.

I knowing the above I can see a lot of times that these experiences and the beliefs born of them have caused hesitation in taking opportunity, stopped necessary actions being taken and generally held me back.

And easy as it is to blame them, it’s all still coming from me.

Because even though we might be ‘unaware’, we’re not really.

We know what is holding us back (ourselves), and often where the seed that this thorny weed came from, it’s just easier to pretend we don’t know and be victims.

I suppose it then begs the question – How much longer are you going to hold yourself back?

In the end you’re the only one that can really do anything of meaningful impact within the life you have.

While you might want to wait for someone to come and save you, giving you all you think you want, it’d be hollow and as a result whatever ‘it’ is that you’d received there’s a 100% chance it’d be destroyed by your own hand because of not feeling deserving of it.

Think of it like imposter syndrome x1000.

You don’t want saving, not really.

You want to be free of the chains that bind you to that which you fear.

The most ironic part.

The chains are attached and bound to the belief at the bottom of life flow, and you’re simply holding on to those chains to keep yourself in one place instead of allowing the energy to carry you towards a better place.

Perhaps picture it as holding on to a tree branch as a raging current tries to carry you downs stream.

Yes the torrents would bash and bruise you for a while but once you come to the end everything would become still, clear, at peace and it’s then you’d be able to see that what you thought was there to harm you (the current) was actually attempting to guide and a take you exactly where you needed to be.

Take some time and reflect on the above.

Find a quiet place to sit and ask the question – what am I afraid of?

Then allow all the noise to rush in, but don’t worry because it will subside.

The noise is merely a distraction from the fear/belief to keep you from the answers you need to know.

Once there is silence & stillness you’ll hear what you need to hear from within.

Trust yourself because you’ve got the answers.

You’ve got all you need within you.

Give it the opportunity to be heard and watch what happens.

Ross

Procrastination = You’re just scared

Chances are you’ve heard of people knowing what to do but not doing it.

I’ve heard plenty of folk complain about not having enough time and too much to do.

This often isn’t really true.

Time is all we have and there’s plenty of it.

What people lack is courage.

Instead of taking action and doing what they know NEEDS to be done they will faff about with minor distractions that give them the excuse to avoid facing the fact they’re scared of doing that which they know needs to be done.

I can’t say all the reasons for the compounded fear.

Everyone will have their own specific nuance to that based on their life experience.

What I do know is this; most have the fear of the worst outcome if they did do what was required.

As an example, say someone is overweight and knows they need to lose a decent chunk of their excess body fat for health reasons.

A few common fears they have:

• Negative judgement
• No support from friends (instead they’ll face shame/ridicule)
• Losing their current identity
• The potential for failing and looking stupid
• Criticism for changing because now they’ve made others feel bad

We allow our limiting and fear based beliefs to get in our way.

Here’s a question to ask yourself:

What are your afraid will happen if you do what you’re avoiding?

Answer that and you’ll be able to pick apart the belief that limits you.

Do this and you can move forwards in life.

Be warned though, it won’t be pleasant because having to admit the only real barrier (typically) in our lives is our own mind/perception is a tough medicine to swallow.

However if you can take it like a champ your life will change for the better.

Enjoy,
Ross

Are you ageing into denial or delusion?

How do you move the goal post when you can’t do what you once did

Since sitting with a more reflective mind of late 

I’ve come to notice a couple of things. 

First is that we are very sensitive to the image of who we used to be, and will do just about anything to keep the idea of it alive as one as we can.

Second is once we know it’s not possible we move the goal post and create some rather impressive literature surrounding our new found priorities 

The truth would be shorter and less auspicious

I’ve seen this particular gem multiple times recently from gents:

“I don’t care how much I lift anymore. It’s about moving better.”

And I’m sure that’s mostly true, however the first part is either denial or a straight up lie. 

Lads, we do care how much we lift because not one man that trains who I’ve met feels good about being physically weak.

Unfortunately we will lose strength as we age, that’s life

And instead of admit it we skirt around the issue.

I’ll happily say it based on my own training – it sucks being weaker and it’s not something one likes, but it’s reality. 

While there are still strength standards within my own head that will be sustained as long as possible.

180kg DL, 140KG SQ, 100kg Bench, 60kg Press, 40kg Weighted Chin

These too will fade into the abyss one day, however today is not that day.

Eventually though it’ll all be gone unless I put all of my focus on this very small element of fitness and neglect mobility, flexibility and also a large chunk of life.

While once upon time that might have been something I did, in the grand scheme of things it’s not that important once we open our eyes.

Yes moving better, improving health, longevity and shifting away from just grinding out reps for reps sake to get a s big & as strong as possible is wise

Although there will be a slight longing for what was. 

At least in the sense that we got attached to what it gave us. 

Ladies have a similar shift in perspective due to the ravages of time and end up taking about their focus now being health, how their body feels etc 

Fact is we all do it, and it’s okay.

However I’ve come to realise that being totally honest with ourselves as to WHY we’ve shifted our focus is far mroe beneficial than denial or delusion.

As we get older we can’t do what we did, so setting up new targets to aim at is sensible. 

It won’t be easy as we’ll still cling to the idea of what was tightly

So I suppose that begs the question, why hold on?

Why are you holding on to the thought/idea of what was?

Might be something worth digging into if you haven’t already.

Nothing lasts for ever, so we enjoy it while it’s present and once it’s gone we can still have a love of what it was at the time so long as we don’t try to convince ourselves we’re still living in a moment that has long since passed. 

I’m curious, what can’t you do any more that you still struggle to accept because it was linked to good times or your identity?

Ross

Ego holds you back almost every time

Based on the overall style of answers yesterday it seems that which is often avoided/not trained enough is….

Anything that causes the ego discomfort 🤣

It’s understandable.

No one wants their peers to seem them in anything other than the light they THINK they ought to be seen in so that it allows the glue of the ego to hold together the unsteady pieces of the persona.

It’s quite funny really 🦋

Often there’s a lot of talk about how people don’t care for the thoughts, opinions of judgement of others and yet our actions tell a very different story.

Not to mention how much energy we put into cementing the thought of what the surmise things ought to be.

I’m sure you’ve projected such a thought on to people🧠

I certainly have and have also had thoughts placed on me too.

My classic one (gym wise) – you’d do better to be leaner🧐

The one pushed on me – You’d do better to be bigger 💪

As you can imagine my mind was attaching expectations/outcomes on those who in my eyes were carrying more fat than they needed, which to me made their size irrelevant because it was just the result of excess fat.

And truth be told this thought still lingers needlessly.

Seriously, at this stage it even pisses me off when it crops up 🤣

It’s like – ‘You again!? Jeez will you just give it a rest already.’

The mentally destructive desire to just be right for the sake of being right (or that’s how this madness justifies itself) really is a pointless endeavour that just serves to alienate more people than it does convince them that your intentions and wishes for them are positive.

Honestly I see very little point in such a thing now.

Yet it still persists in pestering me like a mosquito 🦟

It is funny though when you really think about it.

Why is being right so important to us as a species?

Logically we can look to evolution, experience, society and so on, but beyond that it begs the questions…

Why do YOU want to be right?

Have a ponder on that and please do share your answer because I only know the madness within this space between my ears and would greatly appreciate a deeper perspective and insight from the space between your ears ☺️

And one more thing, give we will avoid what causes the metaphorical sphincter of the ego tighten up.

What are you avoiding in your training you KNOW isn’t wise for no other reason than you don’t want to look or be perceived a certain way for doing it 👀

Be honest.

On my end it’s dialling back on the weights and upping the bodyweight/mobility/movement/flexibility work🤸‍♂️

Why?

Ego & fear.

Specifically the loss of what was (even though it wasn’t much) and also that there’s a lot of individuals that would love nothing more than to see my with less than I have regarding muscle, strength, leanness etc.

All so they could take swipes and pot shots 😂

Why would I care – now that’s a question I’ve really wrestled with answering.

It boils down to people taking great joy in being able to look down in me (yep, something as minor as that) because of being subject to that a lot in early life I made a bargain with myself at some point to not let that happen again because of how it felt.

I dug even deeper than that and really found an answer that wasn’t really that nice, even the thought of writing it now turns my stomach, but it was… is this…

“Don’t look down on me you piece of shit because I’m better than you and I’ll prove it.”

🤮🤮🤮

Yea, I know. Writing that comes with a lot of shame because it’s a shameful thing to say because it was nothing more than the lingering hurt from being a kid that got the shit kicked out of him several times by people that were older, bigger, stronger and nastier.

So the result was to get stronger, more capable and vicious so that if such threats cropped up again they’d be met with immeidate action🤦

Honestly it was the attitude of a child.

Pointless, șelf destructive and sad.

Hence dealing with that shit was necessary because it just wasn’t useful in the slightest and only served to keep alive lingering ghosts and a point to prove that didn’t even need proving in the first place 😂

F**k sake, one is truly a fool.

However that’s life, and just is. Although once aware of such a thing we can choose to deal with it and move on, which isn’t too smooth a journey, but it is worth it in the end.

Well, that really did turn into a ramble.

As always, please do leave your thoughts below.

Are you too scared to change?

While this can easily apply across the entire spectrum of life, we’ll stick with fitness today.

In my experience these are some of the common reasons changes is resisted in fitness:

• What progress has been made will be lost
• Ones identity has become tied to a specific training method
• Starting something new means you’ll suck for quite some time
• General FOMO

I’ve known a lot of people to stick rigidly to the same method of training for decades.

Don’t get me wrong, this can indeed produce a lot of results and we can train however we choose.

What starts to become a problem is that too much of a good thing can eventually have it cause us more harm than anything else, which leads to frustration and the terrible action of adding more to what we’re doing as opposed to changing it.

Usually when you’ve heard of people overdoing it in the gym with ‘something new’ there’s more to it.

It wasn’t just doing something new that caused them an issue.

The real culprit was doing something new on top of what they were already doing because of the fear in not doing what they’ve always done.

But in saying this there’s two sides of the fitness coin:

• You need consistency to get better
• You need variability to get better

Such a dichotomy has many people left scratching their head, asking – “So which is it?”

Both is the correct answer.

You need both consistency and variability within your training for the most optimal outcomes to be achieved, although the specifics on what exactly it is you have variability in (methods, movements, etc) is up for deep discussion, however it’s still needed regardless.

It’s worth sitting down and asking yourself what scares you about change.

Being able to answer this can reveal a lot about yourself.

In the end it’s going to be something you’ll have to embrace either by choice of consequence.

Personally I’d rather the change happens on my terms, that’s just me though.

Enjoy,
Ross

What are you scared of in fitness?

Is it failure or would you say there’s a little more to it that you’re just a little too scared to shine a light on.

There’s nothing wrong with being scared.

Fear is a natural human emotion, although it’s one of those energies that can be troublesome to manage.

Here’s three questions to help you uncover the path you may need to take that will result in you not being so frightened moving forwards:

• What’s legitimately the worst thing that can happen?
• How would this make you feel?
• Why is feeling like that something you want to avoid at all costs?

Delving into these can reveal some truths about yourself and what you believe.

And more importantly how what you believe ties you down and why you use fear to reinforce that belief so that you can keep yourself self from the unknown (which is rarely as nefarious as you imagine it to me).

Enjoy,
Ross