Tag Archives: tough love
No programming jargon today.
It’s time for some tough love.
Nobody cares as much as you think they care. Really, they don’t because how you look, how strong you are, how fast you are, how much you’ve achieved is just not that important to them. They only really care about themselves.
Have you ever been in the gym and felt that people were watching you?
The probability of this being true for longer than a few seconds is incredibly low.
Believe it or not they’re not judging how much you’re lifting, or how much excess fat you have, they’re there for the same reason as you – To shift some unwanted love handles, feel better physically/mentally & get shit done.
We’ve all been in a place where we think all eyes are on us.
It’s rarely the case.
Such thoughts will only serve to bind you in invisible chains.
Don’t misunderstand me though, I understand that for some people this ‘social anxiety’ is truly crippling and for them even stepping foot outside is a struggle and for those people I can only extend my hand and wait for them to take hold when ready.
As for everyone else, you probably don’t have social anxiety, you’re just a bit awkward, perhaps because you spend too much time on the internet and social media.
Did you know that excessive amounts of time on the inter-webs lead to increase chances of mental instability, body image issues, the inability to converse and much more.
Now before you gather the mob to hint me down you need to realise that most of the problems the majority of people face are self imposed.
F-E-A-R guides them.
When working with people (depending on their needs and genuine level of distress), I try to get some unnderstadnign what fear is:
False – Evidence – Appearing- Real
So in a gym situation – you walk in and you feel everyone is watching your every move from start to finish.
Initially people may indeed see who’s walked in, then they get back to their focus (what ever that is).
If you start lifting you may again have a few people watch initially, then they will get back to their of session.
The funny thing is one people start to let go of the fear that they’re always being judged, they become far less stressed.
*If you feel you’re always being judged this may stem from he fact that you yourself watch other people with an err of judgement in your eye – not gospel, however it is common as we can only base others potential behaviour off of our own learned ones.
I often speak of writing things down, you should try it.
Once you see on paper what your fears are they’re not quite as scary as you might think.
Try it. Write down you fear and the potential outcomes of that fear, then how likely those outcomes are.
You’ll soon find your worry is potentially unfounded 🙂
Letting go of our preconceived ideas, believes and thoughts is hard, however it’s worth it.
The hand is held out if you need it.
Two classic lines said by many –
“I can’t put on weight, and I eat loads.”
“I can’t lose weight, and I don’t eat much.”
If the above were true weight would either go up or down, if that isn’t the case then that means only one thing.
You’re not doing what you think you’re doing.
A strong mindset and accountability are interesting things.
Not everyone wants them.
Instead they a quick fix or diet pill to solve all their problems.
If it came to their work and the staff they manage or their business they’d rain down fiery hell on their staff for not doing what they’re meant to be doing or making poor excuses, however when it comes to themselves and making a change, well they’re different and need special attention.
What we all need is to accept that the only way to change is to accept that we are the result of our own choices, for the most part*.
*Less for legitimate medical exceptions in which case see a specialist.
Actually, touching on the medical excuse above, many will claim to have an issue, self diagnosed of course and it stops them achieving a result.
Go see a specialist, if something is wrong it will be shown, then you can start working to sort it.
Anyway, back to the point.
As a modern culture we have an untold amount of excuses ready and waiting for our own poor behaviours/attitudes, yet we wouldn’t accept them from out staff or people we’re responsible for.
We’d tell them how it was and that they need to sort it out.
Yet when it comes to people accepting they’re the problem, the blinkers come down and the ‘poor me’ attitude follows.
Ask yourself, do I want change or not?
Give it some thought.