Tag Archives: tough love

A little lesson in effort.

Morning All,
 
When was the last time you really put any effort in to something?
 
I’m not talking about ‘kinda effort’.
 
The on being referred to is that which makes you so uncomfortable you don’t even want to start it because you know it’s going to be a struggle each and every time.
 
This is the kid of effort that changes you fundamentally as a person when you come out the other end.
 
A level of effort that make soy want to quit daily.
 
That is what I mean.
 
If you can’t think of the last time you experienced something like this then perhaps you’re coasting.
 
There can’t be peaks without valleys.
 
If you never have that gut wrenching dread of something you need to be doing then the chances are you’re not truly challenging yourself.
 
Of course this is not to say you won’t have those ‘good times’, you know the ones, where everything falls in to place and it’s all to easy.
 
That my friends is a peak.
 
You’re reaping the rewards from he fruit of your labour and because of the effort you put in, each bite of success tastes all the sweeter for it.
 
That is what we strive.
 
Many had a taste of that in it’s lowest form when they started going to the gym, lsat some weight, got hot and finally overcame a fear.
 
After this though people take their foot off the gas because they’re now happy, content, a cog in the machine of mediocrity, as it were.
 
You can spot someone of this ilk because they will get very offended by reading something like this and say arbitrary things such as:
 
“If you’re happy that’s what matters.”
 
“You shouldn’t care what anybody else thinks.”
 
Blah blah blah.
 
Mediocrity, that is what that is, big firmly in the comfort zone that sucks everyone in and won’t let them leave because if someone was to break out and start to better themselves and achieve more they’d make everyone else feel bad, and we can’t have that in our sensitive modern world.
 
Life is struggle.
 
Life is suffering.
 
Life is meant to be tough so that when the times are good you appreciate them so much more and become truly thankful for that which the mediocre take for granted.
 
No one owes you a damn thing, remember that.
 
So my good people who read these little rants, when was the last time you put in a real effort in to something?
 
The kind of effort that changed you at your core.
 
The kind that made you a better human.
 
The kind that makes life so much sweeter in the end.
 
I humbly ask you to leave a comment below, an honest comment, not one that you think sounds like what you should say, a comment that is what you want to say no matter how un-PC it sounds.
 
I look forward to reading them.
 
Enjoy,
Ross

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Tough Love –

No programming jargon today.

It’s time for some tough love.

You ready?

Nobody cares as much as you think they care. Really, they don’t because how you look, how strong you are, how fast you are, how much you’ve achieved is just not that important to them. They only really care about themselves.

Have you ever been in the gym and felt that people were watching you?

The probability of this being true for longer than a few seconds is incredibly low.

Believe it or not they’re not judging how much you’re lifting, or how much excess fat you have, they’re there for the same reason as you – To shift some unwanted love handles, feel better physically/mentally & get shit done.

We’ve all been in a place where we think all eyes are on us.

It’s rarely the case.

Such thoughts will only serve to bind you in invisible chains.

Don’t misunderstand me though, I understand that for some people this ‘social anxiety’ is truly crippling and for them even stepping foot outside is a struggle and for those people I can only extend my hand and wait for them to take hold when ready.

As for everyone else, you probably don’t have social anxiety, you’re just a bit awkward, perhaps because you spend too much time on the internet and social media.

Did you know that excessive amounts of time on the inter-webs lead to increase chances of mental instability, body image issues, the inability to converse and much more.

Now before you gather the mob to hint me down you need to realise that most of the problems the majority of people face are self imposed.

F-E-A-R guides them.

When working with people (depending on their needs and genuine level of distress), I try to get some unnderstadnign what fear is:

False – Evidence – Appearing- Real

So in a gym situation – you walk in and you feel everyone is watching your every move from start to finish.

Initially people may indeed see who’s walked in, then they get back to their focus (what ever that is).

If you start lifting you may again have a few people watch initially, then they will get back to their of session.

The funny thing is one people start to let go of the fear that they’re always being judged, they become far less stressed.

*If you feel you’re always being judged this may stem from he fact that you yourself watch other people with an err of judgement in your eye – not gospel, however it is common as we can only base others potential behaviour off of our own learned ones.

I often speak of writing things down, you should try it.

Once you see on paper what your fears are they’re not quite as scary as you might think.

Try it. Write down you fear and the potential outcomes of that fear, then how likely those outcomes are.

You’ll soon find your worry is potentially unfounded 🙂

Letting go of our preconceived ideas, believes and thoughts is hard, however it’s worth it.

The hand is held out if you need it.

Enjoy
Ross

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Ah, Classic.

Two classic lines said by many –

“I can’t put on weight, and I eat loads.”

“I can’t lose weight, and I don’t eat much.”

If the above were true weight would either go up or down, if that isn’t the case then that means only one thing.

You’re not doing what you think you’re doing.

A strong mindset and accountability are interesting things.

Not everyone wants them.

Instead they a quick fix or diet pill to solve all their problems.

If it came to their work  and the staff they manage or their business they’d rain down fiery hell on their staff for not doing what they’re meant to be doing or  making poor excuses, however when it comes to themselves and making a change, well they’re different and need special attention.

Bollocks.

What we all need is to accept that the only way to change is to accept that we are the result of our own choices, for the most part*.

*Less for legitimate medical exceptions in which case see a specialist.

Actually, touching on the medical excuse above, many will claim to have an issue, self diagnosed of course and it stops them achieving a result.

Again, bollocks.

Go see a specialist, if something is wrong it will be shown, then you can start working to sort it.

Anyway, back to the point.

As a modern culture we have an untold amount of excuses ready and waiting for our own poor behaviours/attitudes, yet we wouldn’t accept them from out staff or people we’re responsible for.

We’d tell them how it was and that they need to sort it out.

Yet when it comes to people accepting they’re the problem, the blinkers come down and the ‘poor me’ attitude follows.

Ask yourself, do I want change or not?

Give it some thought.

Enjoy,
Ross

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Do you want change or simply like the idea of it?

Three things that stop you making a change for the better.
 
– Ego
– Bias
– Excuses
 
Now these may seem obvious, however people let their get in the way far too often.
 
The ego fears dying.
 
The bias fears being proved wrong.
 
The excuses fears their invalidity.
 
Now take a second and see these simple musings this way…
 
You fear change because it means an old part of you dies, even if this part of you was self-destructive and of no benefit to your life.
 
You fear change because it means what you felt was right was only right because you looked for things to make it so, you sought out bias answers that you wanted to hear, rather than what you actually needed to hear.
 
You fear change because once you start making it you have two accept that your excuses were just that, excuses.
 
Do people want to hear this?
 
No.
 
Do they need to hear this?
 
Yes.
 
In the end we hold the cards in our own hand, we have the ultimate final say.
 
Context will play a part in our choices, however they are still our choices and as such we don’t have to make them if we don’t want to, not really.
 
As a fellow human I want people to be happy.
 
To make the changes that will make them smile and live a good life.
 
That said, I can’t make a choice or a change for you, that’s up to you.
 
Reflect on your life, give it some thought and once you have ask yourself this –
 
Do I want change or do I just like the idea of change?
 
Enjoy,
Ross

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